To my husband of 11 years, to my partner, to my best friend, to my Sweetie, I miss you so. Our time together was a once in a lifetime adventure. We did things our own way. We did it with love, respect, and had each other's backs.
My adventure with Mark started after we met on a gay social platform, while both of us were in other relationships. When those relationships didn't work out, he messaged me and I responded. I am not a texter so he reluctantly agreed to talk on the phone. We talked for 3 hours and continued to have long phone calls until he finally moved up here to Canada.
I remember fondly Mark’s first trip to Canada in his beat up red car. No GPS and no cell phone, he finally made it to what is now the Don Valley Hotel. He called me to come and get him and I quickly drove down. When I saw him for the first time and after our first kiss, I knew he was the one.
We both knew we were meant for each other. We quickly got engaged and married just before Christmas. Then we encountered our first big challenge. The process of getting the Permanent Residence Card. It took us nearly 2 ½ years. One thing we decided early on was to make it an adventure by having romantic getaways all over the world. We visited places like Mexico, Bermuda, Prague, Paris, Bratislava,Vienna, Costa Rica to name a few. After Mark moved here, we continued to travel to places like Ottawa, Banff, Berlin, Cuba, Amsterdam, Romania, Spain, Gibraltar, and several times to Portugal. This created some amazing memories. Some may not know that we were supposed to travel to Portugal the day Mark passed away.
But travel was only a small part of our great adventure. Living with Mark and what we did in our day to day lives was an adventure in itself. We had many unique ways to show how much we loved and respected each other. Things like me bringing him a coffee in bed in the morning and kissing him on the forehead. On other days, when he slept in and I was off to work, he wanted me to leave him a note along with a pot of coffee and a cup. Any time I forgot, he would text me and ask if I was mad at him. Sometimes, he knew. It was a way for him to start his day knowing he was loved, and it allowed me to show him how much I loved him every day.
Mark, as Erin would say, was childish and I am child-like. Mark and I would laugh and be silly together. We gave ourselves the space to just be ourselves and didn’t care what others thought. When he first came here, he thought it was strange to have stuffed animals on the bed. As time went on and a few more animals appeared, he grew to love them and even anthropomorphized them, (Mark taught me that word). They became our family. I remember when we bought “Piper”. (Point to her). We bought her in Mexico City at a gift shop. We both love dogs and knew our lifestyle would not allow for owning one so we did the next best thing - we bought a stuffed dog. We named her Piper after Mark’s favourite character from one of his favourite TV shows, “Charmed”. Mark gradually learned to love them all. He would give me grief when I took them down too soon or threw them off the bed. You see, Mark had a wonderful gift of caring for those who were the underdog, especially real dogs. He had such a love for them especially two dogs named Molly and Frenchy. There was such a love between them that when I came to visit they made it known to me that they were jealous and showed their displeasure.
Those who knew Mark knew of his passion for cooking and what a great cook he was. Over the past couple of weeks since he’s been gone, I realized that when he was cooking, it was his way of showing his love for people. He would tell me that the food he prepared for my mom was his way of showing his love for her even though he was not able to see her often. He was territorial in the kitchen - no one was allowed in while he was cooking. It was his domain. I learnt this the hard way one year when playing a prank on him while he was cooking for American Thanksgiving. Remember I’m the childish one. I decided to hide his famous Brussels Sprouts. The look of horror from Bob and Erin when I did this, let alone the look from Mark, made me realize it was a mistake. All was forgiven when I returned the Brussels Sprouts because he loved me and my irresistible smile. To this day, he would bring it up and we would laugh about it.
I really appreciate the stories that everyone has shared. It gives me great comfort. I guess this is the time for me to share one of our favourite stories. Truth be told it is funny now but at that time, I was mortified. We were in Algarves, Portugal. As you know Mark makes friends easily, especially people behind the bar. One afternoon, I decided to go souvenir shopping while Mark decided to go to the cafe that was part of our Airbnb. You have to know that people in Portugal are very generous. Once the lady behind the counter found out that Mark was American/Canadian, all bets were off. She had him trying various liqueurs and drinks and by the time I got home, Mark was pretty drunk. Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed. We ate dinner at a restaurant nearby and on the way back, Mark suddenly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk on a busy street, turned to me and said, “Look what I can do.” He raised his arms above his head and his shorts suddenly fell down to his ankle. Those who know Mark know that he didn’t wear underwear. There he was in the middle of the sidewalk, stark naked with the biggest grin on his face. I was horrified thinking he was going to get arrested. I quickly grabbed his shorts and pulled them up, then took him home to avoid any more “Look what I can do” moments.
Mark was insistent that we have each other's back. That was the foundation of our adventure and it allowed us to be who we are. Mark had his struggles but he could tackle them head on knowing that we were there for each other. He was finally at peace with himself when he passed away. Mark’s strengths were my weakness and his weaknesses were my strengths. He made me a better person and for that I am eternally grateful. People have come to me and said it was me that helped get him to where he was. Actually, it was him who did the hard work. I was there to share his journey. As I move forward without him, I will continue to try to be the best person he wanted me to be.
