Thank you for coming. Our mother would be thrilled to know how many of you are here. She always loved a good get-together.
In many ways, our mother was the perfect mid-century housewife. She kept a pristine house - our beds had to be made every day with hospital corners and she ironed our underwear and jeans. As to the hospital corners, she even taught the caring staff at Copernicus to make beds in that manner. She was always nicely dressed for every occasion and her hair coifed. In fact, just over a week ago, she was spraying her hair with hairspray for a Doctor’s appointment.
She made her family a priority. She was a devotee of Spock (Dr. Spock, the healthcare professional, although she also loved Star Trek). Her household was centered around each meal .. making sure that a healthy breakfast was prepared for all regardless of when we rose (she thought it was the most important meal of the day). Sometimes she would chase Teresa & I out the front door with a soft-boiled egg on toast. She prepared packed lunches for us all with what our waspy friends thought were exotic ingredients like kielbasa and pickles. For my father’s entire career, he would proudly bring these lunches to work despite the fact that there was a subsidized cafeteria in his office. And of course, she cooked a well-balanced dinner for precisely 6pm, ending with a lovely home-baked sweet.
She maintained that maternal sense over to the next generation. Babcia (or Babi as she was endearingly called) was the one who offered to look after Daria and Jack in early years when Wally & I went back to work. A sacrifice, considering Tata was newly retired and they could have spent the time traveling. Those years created a deep reciprocal bond that is rare & precious. I know my Babi … and Dziadzio … felt the time they spent with Daria and Jack was the most special in their lives.
But we would argue she was a woman before her time. In fact, I’d almost say she was a Martha Stewart before Martha Stewart was Martha Stewart.
In truth, some of her behaviours were due to the circumstances of her upbringing. Almost all of you know her early path … as she was keen to share her stories. Having known hunger, hardship and material loss she cherished the lifestyle she was able to have when my parents established themselves in Canada.
So, for example, she was a collector. Limited Edition Plates. Royal Doulton Figurines. The newest kitchen appliances and gadgets. Silk scarfs. Unique tea cups … we have almost a hundred, if you’re interested. She LOVED jewellery and collected many pieces in her travels in the far east. In past years she was proud to gift some of her favourite pieces to me, Teresa, Daria and even Jack. We’re all wearing some of her jewellery today.
She kept everything. Despite emigrating to Canada with just a suitcase or two (which she kept), she managed to bring along treasures like her high school uniform from Africa, her school friends autographs, programs from musical concerts she attended in England and even the ration book from England. She built the basis of our family heirlooms.
I must say that this collecting also made her somewhat of an environmentalist. She thought it was a sin to be wasteful and she rarely threw things out. Name it …. sour cream containers, potato peelers (she had a dozen, many without handles), old cloths (she made them into szmaty (cleaning rags) and plastic bags. Oh, the plastic bags. Her classic and wisest tip was to save milk bags and use them as freezer bags. Brilliant.
But what she collected most, in the finest way, was friends. She held on to some friends for over 80 years, but made new ones along the way. In some cases, these friends are now family to us. Where some people’s network is tight, our mother’s spanned the globe. She would have LOVED social media and Facebook, should she have been more tech savvy. We were all so touched when many of the staff at Copernicus came to visit in her last week and with teary eyes & told us they would miss her, as she had become their friend.
Now, like Martha Stewart, she was an extraordinary hostess. Her parties were legendary. The typical order of events was: Drinking, passed hors d'oeuvres, dancing, 10pm dinner, midnight dessert table, dancing, and a 2am barszcz to sober up the guests and send them on their way home. She involved Teresa & I in all the preparations, leaving us with skills we’re grateful for.
Equally legendry were the outfits she hand-sewed herself. She was quite the crafter and should would have been an eager participant in ETSY. That hand-beaded dress by the entrance is an example of her fine work. When she was able, her hands were always busy doing needlework, crocheting, knitting and sewing and she was eager to teach these crafts.
Our mother loved the cottage in Kaszuby, spending most of each summer there. Hipsters would be jealous of the foraging she would do, deep in the woods. She would make delicious dishes from the mushrooms she gathered. That being said, Tata only ever ate them a few hours after Mama tried them first!
But she also loved what urban life offered. She subscribed for countless years to the symphony, opera and ballet. She took me to children’s concerts at the TSO (sweetened with a stop for candy at Simpsons) and I was sure to pass on this experience to Daria & Jack. She explored the whole city and loved her independence to venture far and wide for a good shop. Many a time she would head out to Kensington market to find just the right cheese or bagel. Her tastes were exotic and she loved cuisine from all over the world.
By an early age, she’d seen so much of the world, but in the worst of circumstances. Despite this, it spurred on a life long love of travel she had the opportunity to explore far and wide. Her favourite travels were in Indonesia and the Philippines where she shopped galore and couldn’t resist bringing home treasures like the carved mask on display. She encouraged all of us to see the world.
Teresa and I would cringe, as she would often ask people of colour “where are you from”? This stemmed from the best place possible as she was genuinely curious and keen to share the memories of her global travels with the individuals. Often, she had indeed been to their country of origin. In later years she would rephrase this question to “My daughters tell me not to ask, but, where are you from”. Had she been a millennial, Mama’s “gap year” would have been years in the making.
Now despite being a traditional homemaker, our mother was also a feminist. Teresa & I were always encouraged to pursue an education and were told that we could do anything a man could. She insisted that we become independent in our careers so we never had to rely on anyone but ourselves. Mama resented not having the opportunity to pursue her own formal post-secondary education but despite that was widely well read, curious, bright and inquisitive. Her mind remained sharp, right til the end. Not many in their late 80’s could have read the entire Game of Thrones series, but she loved it.
Above all this, however, we appreciate and will remember her wonderful character. So many of you have sent such kind words over the last week and they were consistent. She was kind and gracious. She was strong and she could be tough. She was generous and caring. She was discerning and frank. She was resilient. She was a keystone of the entire family tree. She shared stories of her past that made you remember what was important in life. She was a true friend.
There’s no doubt that Mama lived a full life. But if she could, she would have liked to live another 92 years discovering new places, enjoying a concert, laughing with loved ones, hosting more parties, dancing with our Tata, and making new friends.
No doubt she’s doing all that now and looking down upon us.
