Sergio’s Eulogy
June 9, 1931 – October 19, 2018h
Sergio Guiseppe Violin was born in Romans di Varmo in Northern Italy on June 9, 1931. Based on the stories he told us, his was not a carefree childhood. There were some hard times and being a young teen at the end of the war, he was old enough to experience and remember the fear and uncertainty of the time. Although the times were tough, the family unit was strong and loving.
Sergio was a good student and although he dreamed of becoming an architect, he trained as a cabinet maker. After the war, there was not much opportunity in Italy for a young man and so he came to Canada in search of a better life. Actually, the phrase as we often heard it was “we came to Canada so you kids could have a better life”. But it wasn’t just us kids who benefitted. As the oldest of 3 siblings, Sergio came first in 1954 and then helped his younger brother, Joe immigrate as well. Together, they worked hard and saved their money. After some time, they returned to Italy, bought some property, designed and literally built a house for their parents. I know that this was one of his proudest achievements because it provided his parents with more independence and security, especially in their retirement.
After a couple of years in Canada he returned to Italy (there was a lot of back and forth in the early years) where he married his sweetheart, Teresa. They returned to Canada together and soon settled at 71 Onaway Rd in Port Credit where they lived for 20 years and raised their 3 children, Doris, Diana and Gianni. It was a typical Italian/Canadian household with a big vegetable garden and fruit trees. I remember peaches, pears, apricots, fried zucchini, swiss chard (also known as arbis) and lets not forget everybody’s favourite: the tomatoes!
As proud as he was of the new house that they built for his parents, the house on Onaway Road needed work, and he always had a project on the go. He finished the basement, added a bathroom, renovated the kitchen, regraded the yard, sandblasted the bricks, extended the soffits, etc etc. All of this work he did on his own, without help. I don’t know how he knew how to do all of these things, but he did and he did them exceptionally well. No repair person, installer, plumber or electrician ever walked through our door. Dad was a do-it-yourselfer before DIY was an acronym!
Sergio started his career in construction and home building and then moved to the Dufferin Peel Separate School Board where he worked for over 20 years until his retirement. He worked in building maintenance and would travel to the various schools repairing things that needed fixing, doing minor renovations or installations. For a few years, they tried to give him a “helper”. He of course, hated this! He didn’t want or need a helper – the helper only slowed him down by wanting to stop for coffee! I think The Board just gave up after a while and let him work solo.
I suspect, that they were hoping that the helper would get some training. Unfortunately, Sergio didn’t have much patience as a teacher. When we were kids, he would let us “help” for a short time but then it was ‘away you go’ and he would take over. When we got older and had houses of our own, he would repair and renovate for us. For example, when Greg and I bought our first house, there was a conversation where I said I would like to put up a shelf in the laundry room to store soap and supplies. A couple of days later, Dad was there with his pencil drawing on graph paper, showing me the cupboards that he was going to build. That’s the way it was for many years. If you even asked a question about home repairs or renovations, Dad was on it! He did home repairs, finished our basements, secured and reinforced 2 of Doris’ restaurants and built furniture for us all. I know that he took pleasure in being able to help us with these things.
I don’t know how many times I heard Greg say, “Hey Serg can I give you a hand?” or “we can help you with that” but Serg never took him up on the offer. He was a perfectionist who liked to work on his own and came up with some ingenious ways of doing just that. We were at his house for dinner one evening and I went to the basement and noticed that he had a new freezer. “Hey Dad, how did you get the old metal chest freezer out of the basement?” He said, “well I thought about it for a while and then I set up a winch on the landing at the top of stairs and I was able to get it up”. When we were cleaning out his garage, there were at least 6 adults standing around, looking up and trying to figure out how to bring down the 12-foot boat and trailer, that he had suspended from the rafters (by himself) for storage. In the end, he told us how to do it.
Now as much as he liked to work alone he didn’t want to be alone. My memories of childhood include a lot of family time. Sunday picnics, where Mom would pack the red and white Coleman cooler and we would head off to explore a new park each week. There were picnics too with the Italian club where Mom and Dad would reminisce and laugh with “the paisans” and us kids would participate in races and organized games: I believe there were games for the adults too, at least one of these involved salami and climbing a greased pole. There were visits with our cousins and Zio Joe and Zia Rosetta. He had a short foray into boating, but this didn’t sit well with my mother as she got easily sea sick. I remember him driving me to high school basketball practice on the dark winter mornings, when he would steer the car with his thumbs because he refused to wear gloves. Gianni remembers that he washed the car every week before going to church. He also remembers the few times that he helped him with his newspaper route on snowy days, by loading the toboggan with both Gianni and the newspapers and towing it behind the car. We remember that he was excited about the new house on Wakefield Crescent and that he would stop by every day after work to check on the construction. I believe he snuck in a few times and did some touch ups as needed. We ALL remember his skill at wine making. He even tried his hand at champagne and ice wine. It was pretty good too! Greg, to this day will taste a wine and say “that reminds me of Onaway wine”.
There were many happy times but I would be remised if I didn’t include the great sadness in his life. In 1989 my mother, Teresa passed away from leukemia at 53 years of age. Sergio was 57. This was a terrible loss for all of us, but especially for Dad. This was the first time that I realized that he too was vulnerable and needed help.
There followed some lonely and difficult years, but then Sergio met Fernanda and he was given a second chance at love. Fernanda’s energy and vitality buoyed his spirits and she got him out and about socially. Sergio retired at 63 and they were able to spend more time together in their homes in Mississauga and increasingly longer periods of time together in sunny Mexico during the winter. They had a whole social group of snow birds there, who, based on the photos I have seen, worked very hard on their tans!
At the same time, the grandchildren started to arrive. Pretty much one every couple of years from 1993 until 2002. The grandchildren; Elissa, Claire, Jack, Charlie and Grace were a source of great joy for Sergio, aka Nonno. He doted on them, played with them and showed them lots of love and patience. The basement of his house was transformed into the toy room and Barney videos appeared in the TV cabinet. There were new traditions of weekly family dinners, summer pool parties at Doris’ house, the annual Violin Family picnic and holiday gatherings. Best of all, he was able to enjoy Fernanda’s grandchildren and family as well.
In January of 2014, we lost Fernanda to cancer and a lot of the wind was lost from of his sails. When he really did need help, he accepted it and made it easy for us to help him. He decided that he would stop driving. When we suggested he do a couple of trial visits at retirement residences, he agreed and chose the one he wanted to live in. When it was time to sell the house, he allowed us to do it and work on our own. So we packed up the house and got it ready for sale and this too, brought the family closer. There were childhood memories relived and treasures found: baseball gloves, school projects, GI Joe dolls (oh sorry, Action Figures). Gianni would send me a picture “Look, I found the Leo the Lion cup”, I would send Doris a text “I found your Partridge Family scrap book!” The grandchildren helped too, cleaning, organizing and painting what was once their toy room. We had come full circle.
As I reflect on Dad’s life, I realize that he really was an excellent teacher after all. Through example he taught us these important life lessons:
• Work hard and do a good job, but use your head
• Be generous with your time and talents
• Be kind
• Above all, love and support your family and friends.
Thanks, Dad, Serg, Nonno.
