Eulogy written and presented by Patty Vann at the funeral for Phyllis Vann on March 29, 2017
MOM
We are glad you are here with us today to honour a very special person- Our Mother, Grandmother, Great grandmother, Cousin and everyone’s very friend – Phyllis. It is comforting to be surrounded by people who meant so much to Mom. She was an extraordinary lady who touched the lives of many during her 92 years, being loved and cherished by those who knew her.
Mom was born and raised in Whitby, the only child of Rita and Bert Lear who had moved to Canada from Devon England a few years before she was born.
Although she was an only child Mom was not without a family of friends while growing up, feeling very much a part of the Vickery, Henry and Jermyn families from Whitby, who have become an extended family for all of us.
She always cherished her 4 Canadian Cousins whom she knew lived in Sudbury while she was growing up but whom she seldom saw as a child. In those days Sudbury was a long way from southern Ontario. Her parents never had a car so visiting and sharing family celebrations just was not done.
I believe to this day that was why sharing special events within our family did become so very important and precious to her, and now has to us.
Mom’s sense of adventure and love of travel probably began when, at age 12, she sailed to Britain with her Mother – quite a trip in 1936. It was there that she connected with her many British Relatives and it was there that she realized the importance of family to her and developed her need to always keep in touch with everyone. We all remember well her long handwritten individually addressed Christmas Letters we received each year!
She was always proud of her British heritage and very much the Royalist. She enjoyed her many trips back to England over the years spending time with family there and exploring her British genealogy.
After high school, during the War years, Mom moved to Toronto where she studied and became one of Ontario’s first female Chartered Accountants, something of which she, and all of us, are extremely proud.
This meant however we had to live with her famous lists everywhere, exact and minute book keeping details, allowance monitoring and a need for extreme organization – to this very day there are books and spreadsheets in her apartment that list exactly what she has given each of us , with a monetary value attached, for each Birthday, Christmas and special event since we were born - including exactly what was in each of our Christmas Stockings each year – she wanted to be fair to all, and certainly always was.
She was happy to point out later in life that she eventually had 3 more CA’s in her family with Margaret following in her footsteps and her granddaughters Laura and Megan bringing Ed and Adnan, both CAs, into her family. Those lists, for us, needless to say, will continue!
It was at a dance for WW vets at U of T that Mom met her partner for life, our beloved Father Jim, after he had returned from overseas.
Mom and Dad loved to dance and I often fondly remember them by picturing them dancing together while everyone else cleared the floor to watch. They were an incredible, beautiful and generous couple. We were so lucky to have them as parents. I trust they are now dancing together again.
Mom’s sense of Adventure helped her when she moved with Dad to Flin Flon Manitoba after they were married in 1950 –she had thought Sudbury was remote until then.
On her first trip there she flew in as the only passenger on a small cargo plane, sitting on a wooden box. They, as most in Flin Flon did then, lived in a home without running water and where she had to cook on a wood stove. She learned to fish, shoot a gun, drive a motor boat, chop wood, pick blueberries and make the best pies ever.
It was there that she developed her great love of the outdoors and especially of being by a lake. I think having been born there all these things came pretty naturally to me as I settled in the North when I married Carl.
Mom was welcomed by Dad’s large extended family throughout Manitoba and she quickly made them her family too. To this day knew their extensive family history and has kept in touch with them all. They too meant the world to her.
Next stop was upper New York State for a few years where Jane was born, and then onto Hagersville Ontario where Margaret joined our family and we where we settled as a family for many years.
There Mom and Dad were very involved in the community, especially the PTA at our school (like her Granddaughter Laura is now for her 3 daughters), the Legion from whom she recently received her 60 year service pin for service and All Saints Anglican church.
As kids we actually thought for a while that the Mom was building the Hagersville Hospital in our basement as she was chair of Fund Raising and did all the fundraising & accounting for them as a volunteer working out of our basement. I was very relieved, and can clearly picture her the day, she helped lay the cornerstone of that important community building as I realized the hospital and its patients were not actually going to be in our basement.
It was in Hagersville we all learned our sense of responsibility and commitment to our community, regardless of where life would lead us.
Entertaining came easily to Mom and Dad and in Hagersville there were many great gatherings of our family and friends and these events continued throughout her life where ever she was.
We also always will remember her tobogganing down Gibson Hill out of control on a flying saucer, attempting to learn to cross country ski, bathing our sunburns with cold strong tea at the cottage on Lake Erie, developing and coaching a youth track and field club and opening our home to all our friends, a tradition that continued to this day and was extended to the to her Grandchildrens’ families and friends as well.
In 1965 Mom and Dad, putting their family first as always, moved to what is now Mississauga where there were more opportunities for us the get a better education, experience city life and be closer to some of our adopted family.
It was at this time that Mom returned to work fulltime as Chief Financial Officer for the Ministry of Revenue and I can assure you nothing slipped by her, the Province was likely well in the black because of her and poor pity anyone who tried to put anything through that was not allowed. She was fiercely honest, fair and firm.
At work, home, church and with friends one always knew exactly what Mom was thinking (complimentary or not). We all know she never minced words or held back. We all knew where we stood with her at any point in time and exactly where she stood in the world. Yet she always was able to eventually make us laugh and take her comments with a grain of salt and thus made us stronger people.
It was also at this time that Mom finally had time to try and become the great athlete again she had been in her teens. Those of us that were at Go Home Lake will never forget the picture of Mom trying to learn to water ski – it was not a pretty sight. She did manage however to master downhill skiing and golf around then and enjoyed both for many years, along with her trips with Dad around the world.
Growing up it was not always easy to live up to Phyllis’ expectations but we did survive. She and Dad encouraged us to always set our goals and standards high, choose a career that we would enjoy and most importantly to follow our dreams. They stood behind and encouraged us and helped us along the way to become the people we are today.
They were proud of us and extremely approving of the partners Jane, Margaret and I chose for life. They welcomed Peter, Brian and Carl with open arms as they became the sons they never had.
Both Mom and Dad departed this world knowing their 3 daughters would always be cherished and cared for by their husbands whom they so respected and loved dearly.
Mom’s greatest joy in life however was watching her four beautiful Grandchildren Cathy, Laura Ted and Megan become the amazing people they are today, welcoming their partners Ian, Ed, Calla and Adnan with the same open arms and acceptance as she did her son in laws. She was always there for birthdays, school plays, track events, every Easter Dinner, Mother’s day, Thanksgiving Celebration, their highschool, university and police academy graduations, and weddings.
She was also here for the birth of their children, her 4 great granddaughters, Penelope, Eleanor, Lucille and Vivian. She was so proud of them all and with them around her life was complete.
When Mom and Dad finally retired, again thinking of their family and the great times they had in the out of doors when first married, they bought a cottage in Minden so there was a place for the entire family to grow together and share happy times. That is exactly what happened over the years.
The entire family fell in love with life at the cottage, the out of doors and being on the lake. It is there that most of the funny stories and greatest memories were from when I asked what her Grandchildren wanted me to say about Grandma.
I quote from some of their comments:
• The cottage was and still is my favorite place in the world, it was Grandma and Grandpas too
• Everyone in our family was able to make great memories there, all thanks to Grandma and Grandpa
• I remember Grandma would always stock up on tubs of candy and cookies for us – often secretly picking her favorite peach rings
• She made us and our partner all fierce competitors in what she called her “rip roaring games” of double solitaire ( with up to 6 people playing at a time) and scrabble
• Monopoly also became a cut throat game when Grandma had all those CAs to play with at the cottage, no one ever got away with a thing
• She challenged us to swim with her every day, and we learned to walk into the water slowly, hands on hips, just like her
• We learned to love the lake and out of doors just like Grandma
• We spent two weeks there every summer and Grandma tried to teach us to golf – Cathy still holds her club wrong thanks to Grandma and Laura just plain hates the game.
• I have so many fond memories of time spent with Grandma and Grandpa up at the cottage – way too many to share.
and
• I am forever grateful to them for the for the cottage and the memories
There were other memories and comments made that also reflect who Grandma was to us all:
• Every Christmas she’d be at the head of the table, with the entire family there, and be the first to wear her Christmas Cracker Crown looking like the Queen of England. Some of her grandchildren were well into grade school before they realized it was not her on the $20 Bill. Who knows what her great granddaughters are thinking now!
• Grandma loved her Toronto Maple Leafs, never lost faith in them and watched every game she could. You had to be careful not to call her unless between periods or else she would just hang up on you. Now Grandma is gone she knows her grand children Megan, and, especially Ted will be cheering them on for her, knowing Grandma is watching from where ever she is.
• Grandma was our matriarch, she was our constant source of support and almost just as often of criticism. She was always there for us.
• She showed us how to raise three children, while holding down a career in a time when many women did not do so, how to keep a marriage happy, to travel the world, to have fun and most importantly how always keep her family close.
• Recently when two of her Grandchildren were having lunch with her in her retirement home she spent the whole time doing what she so loved to do - telling her friends and staff in the dining room all about not just them but of all her grandchildren, their significant others and her great grandchildren, of whom she was so very proud.
Everyone here probably has a few stories and memories to share too and the family hopes you to share these with us at the Reception following the service.
Today, as we say good bye and thank you to Phyllis, honoring a life well lived, we know that both she and Dad leave behind a legacy of love, an appreciation of family and of our history. We know that memories of them will be in our hearts and guide us forever more.
May they rest in peace and dance together again in heaven.
