Denise Fong Trottier (Friend)
Entered
February 15, 2021
from Toronto, ON
Kim brought out the best in me. She did that for all those who loved her. Because of this she was my very best friend. My only true trust-filled female friend for 18 years.
On the surface, an eating disorder is a tragic disease of self-starvation. Underneath however lies someone with a great hunger for life, meaning, connection and validation.
Kim epitomized this. She also epitomized the worthy struggle for that meaningful life. Throughout her long illness, she fought harder for that life than anyone. She kept on living, kept on making sure she was as fully in her life as she could possibly be even though she was not 'winning' the battle.
Yet through it all she truly gave of herself. She was the most compassionate person. She took in animals at the end of their lives, gave them palliative care, and cared deeply for others struggling too.
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Kim you were there for me whenever I needed you. How beyond strong and powerful you are, I thought always. But the heavy torment in your life was greater than you could possibly carry. You were taking care of me and others while it should have been the other way around. You were the one who needed to be cared for by each of us.
Thank you for being my friend, ever since that day after our group with Margaret Powell ended at Sheena's Place. And I asked you for your number. You were wearing a black velvet 80's hat I recall. Something compelled me to break through my extreme social phobia to ask you out! How could I have known then that you were going to change my life forever.
Thank you for the utmost meaningful heart-filled years of sharing, bonding, friendship and trust: dating, and work life (you so sweetly brought me the egg tarts I loved from our favourite place at Papa John's all the way from Mississauga to my office at World Animal Protection to cheer me up when my new dream career as a PR officer for animals there turned out to be a nightmare), cat-mom life, rent life, single life, marriage life, managing in-laws' life, family life. You once mentioned how "we" were different, in a good way. That for us, there were sensitivities, understandings, and acute struggles that were unique to us. I think you meant that we could know the truest kindness, only as a result of enduring darkness. There was no other person with whom I could share my life so deeply with. I feel that I didn't deserve your beyond-this-world loving kindness.
Thank you for holding my hand from the beginning. Remember how I called you from a payphone at Yonge and College plaza that very night I was too scared to go upstairs to Screen Lounge where The Star Spot astronomy radio show party was hosted? That place is gone now, but not the memories. That very night because of your fearlessness, and you literally holding my hand, you helped me to meet the man of my life. You were so beautiful and strong in your courage. So safe for me. For that, you freed me to love and be loved.
Remember how you were the first person I called when I learned I was pregnant? How when Lara was born you came to my new house, was so happy for me, and shared in the joy of it all? Rocked her to sleep. Ran the stroller endlessly to get that princess-queen to calm down, sometimes in strange condo lobbies while I sang her lullabies? You said you liked my voice. I was embarrassed, but touched. Before that, you visited me often at my apartment. I went to yours once in Riverdale. We were dating the worst men and comforting each other and talking on the phone, and finding things to do, to go out to, together. Toronto Outdoor Club hiking ⛰🥾🚶♀️🚶♂️ my salsa dancing, your humane society volunteering, Sheena's Place. We talked about our dream of rugged wilderness camping together even if it meant leaving our less-than-enthused-for-camping-husbands behind. 😂 You came to all my birthdays🎈🎉🎂🎁🍰 Brought me gifts. I would in turn forget yours 😦 You were the most thoughtful, beyond generous.🧧The sweetest and very kindest. You had out of this world energy and lust for life. So I learned from Fai this week that you got up early on your birthday 10 years ago to swim in the hotel pool! 🏊♀️ I didn't know that but that is so you. If I were there (not that I would in any scenario on your dates with Fai) I would absolutely be doing the same with you. In fact, just so you know, I did the same, the morning of my wedding day in the hotel pool too.
I am so happy that you got to know love with Fai 🥰 I see why he was the one you chose. He shows who you are, the very best of you. 💍👰🤵 ❤🌹🥀 How gorgeous you looked on your wedding day. I love it so much that we chose these very similar ethereal, diaphanous, lithe and delicate, silk-chiffon dresses to make our vows in.👗
There are so many more moments over those years I can hardly ever summarize in a good-bye. It isn't possible. This whole situation of having to say good-bye to you is impossible.
I love you. Not ever will I let you go. I swear it will never be good-bye truly. You will live on through me and the others you have touched. Through Fai. Through memory. Through Socrates-cat even, because you took such good care of him in our absence, and he loved you too. Through the greatest kind of decency that we can know of now. Through our best loving lives. Because we knew you and shared our life with you. So we will live the best life we can to honour you: the life we could only have ever found since you loved us.
Now you are leaving this physical world. In the too short time I had with you, you were the one who showed me how to be in this world, to live fully while feeling safe. 🐦🧬❤To truly love. Be good. Feel unconditionally accepted.
My sweetest, littlest, beautiful, bright yellow blue-eyed bird, sleep now.🐥 💙🌠🐦 Rest in peace.
With love and fond memories. Gone but not forgotten. All that we love deeply becomes part of us.
